Dabar [theme]

He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou find refuge: His truth is a shield and buckler
Psalms 91:4

Be it ours,when we cannot see the face of God, to trust under the shadow of His wings. C.H. Spugeon

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Here to Eternity

In a personal journey of faith, the journey is full of crossroads. Decisions are made based on personal circumstances and the cause and effect of random events.

Its not that faith has diminished.
I know:
in 'Whom' I believe;
in what I believe and that that which I believe is true;
I know who I am in what I believe;
I know where I am in what I believe and that where I am may not always be the best place (accountability sucks lol).

Since last writing I have resigned as an Elder of a church and subsequently quit attending any church.
Having invested a large part of my life in serving God through teaching, leading and para-church activities (Bible Camp, Gideons) I found it to be a burdensome pursuit.

Personal circumstances, although not a viable excuse, made serving hypocritical, perhaps more defined as difficult as it seemed an undermining of my integrity.

The perceived, and this is a very personal perception of what truth may be evident, questioning of said integrity led me to believe that abstaining from involvement may be best. The eternal outcome is yet to be determined.

These decisions are mine to make, not necessarily contrary to what I believe, but decisions made nonetheless, in an effort to mitigate negative effects upon a larger population and for myself personally.

Sounds very egotistical and self-serving.

Church politics or the culture of an individual church are a direct reflection upon its leadership. I always believed that the culture of a church should be supportive, loving, forgiving and nurturing by nature. These values are not always evident as a practicing idiom although stated as a said purpose.

Purposeful church culture should view infirmities as a means of fulfilling a greater good in providing understanding, tolerance and healing in individuals.

Personal reflection and self-examination are good for the soul.

I own this.
I am responsible.
Judgement and condemnation are not my responsibility - I can only own what is mine to own.

The butterfly effect of random choices made by others infiltrated my life. Cause and effect - so I in turn made choices - right or wrong - they were and are mine to make and I in turn will suffer the consequences - negative or positive.

What is unfortunate in my view is that there appeared no reasonable alternate recourse. It felt like my hand was forced. It appeared that the safest action was to place myself at arm's length from the church.

Wisdom is not always served in the immediate. Rash decisions provide short term solutions, but anyone will make uncalculated choices to alleviate pain.

There were other choices made that were not mine. These affected and formed the basis for my actions.

Luke 9:62 "No one having put his hand to the plow, and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God."

Deut. 24:16 "Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their fathers; a person shall be put to death for his own sin."

Proverbs 17:26 "... to punish the righteous is not good, nor to strike princes for their uprightness."

Here is a clear statement on political and religious injustice, focusing on the equally bad mistreatment of the innocent and noble.

Do I believe I suffered injustice?
Do I believe I reacted in a way consistent with my beliefs?
Do I feel justified?
Do I believe others feel justified in their actions?

Luke 7:35 "but wisdom is justified by all her children."

If a decision has an acceptable consequence or is aligned with an anticipated outcome then the wisdom is justified.

A profession of compassion without redeeming action is a false justification.

James 2:15,16 "If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled, but you do not give to them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?"

It is difficult dealing with a personal issue not to inject feelings and emotions. I hope there is understanding of the plight created in this communication and the burden I feel for those who are affected collaterally and did nothing offensive.

Psalms 82:5 "They do not know, nor do they understand; they walk about in darkness, all the foundations of the earth are unstable."

What has shaken me most is not the seeming undermining of my integrity, but the blatant insensitivity to my dilemma. I was left feeling estranged. I was left without confidence that privacy and discretion were a hall mark of leadership's relationships.

No comments: