Dabar [theme]

He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou find refuge: His truth is a shield and buckler
Psalms 91:4

Be it ours,when we cannot see the face of God, to trust under the shadow of His wings. C.H. Spugeon

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Funnel of Life

I was reflecting on the death of a friend, remembering the times we shared, the conversations we had. It struck me how my view on life has evolved, not only because of this event, but the way in which time has revamped my focus on the things I once thought were important.

Life for me now is a huge vista of opportunity and experience, both in what lies ahead and in terms of what 'has come to pass'. The view both for and aft has exposed a reality of existence, a reality which no longer holds me either as a slave to my past fortune nor as a believer in being the ruler of my future. As the realization of this remarkable insight to my state of mind became evident, I have been calmed.  Neither my past nor my future hold or grasp me in a way which brings either remorse or fear.

I equated it with being in the mouth of a funnel, I am at the widest part, a full view of what life had for me and a panoramic glimpse into the future. However, that future will narrow, it has too. With age comes the quirks of mind and soul and the inabilities of spirit and body. With that as well will come the new experiences, hence a funnel, life will become a revealing to new generations as the passing of time restricts my innate abilities.

I realize that regret for past failures and indiscretions is merely a vexation of mind and soul. As well anxiety about the future is a vexation of mind and soul too. The future is going to be what to the best of my enablings is what I make of it, 'by the grace of God'. My past is just that, the past, at the risk of sounding redundantly cliche-like, but that is just what it is. What a relief to accept that fact.

As I stand at the mouth of the funnel I am well aware of the narrowing of opportunity and the restrictive level at which I can experience life. This fact brings with it both a twinge of apprehension because of the possible limited enjoyment, as well as a level of peace as decisions become easier by the shear lack of personal ability.

Both past and future are at equal distance, what a great time of life.

I am now becoming a spectator, as well as a cheerleader. It is in this new role that I languish, no longer having or being expected to invest the energies that were required and necessitated by my earlier roles.

I have come to realize that life will play its cruel tricks and have its monstrous ego placated. I will not be remembered and may have already been forgotten by many. It is the necessary evil of life, all will be forgotten.
What will reside will be the imprinting of my life upon current and future generations. I have hoped to achieve and hopefully will continue to pass on certain qualities of behaviour and relationship. These characteristics which I have nurtured and exemplified (?) are what will remain when my presence is gone.

I believe this is the way of all men.  As I was reflecting on my friend it became apparent that he had specific influences on my thought and action, which have survived his passing. There was from his investment into my life cultivated certain attitudes and response's to life's circumstances that are still with me and quite possibly will remain. Other friends have had similar influences, in effect changing my mannerisms, behaviour, and preferences and all other situations are judged by those imprinted factors.  

What an amazing ability we have to persuade and dissuade each other and affect the very thinking of each other. This is possibly why the 'one another's of the New Testament were so revolutionary. They redefined relationships within the Church on a level requiring self-sacrifice, brotherhood, humble opinion, honour, accountability, service, forgiveness and love.

2 Corinthians 5:12 New King James Version (NKJV)
"For (I) do not commend (myself) again to you, but give you opportunity to boast on (my) behalf, that you may have an answer for those who boast in appearance and not in heart."

There are many influences in life, there are many who have 'face' value, they may have education, charisma, eloquence, wisdom or money, but do not have the vested interest, the inward sincerity or the love. I have been most fortunate in this life to have men come alongside of me with a sincere interest in my eternal security. It is in the strength of their integrity that I found the assurance and fortitude of their convictions so exemplary. 

It is in the power of a life lived that licence becomes service.
The choice to love is the greatest freedom of all.

May that reside in your heart as it has affected mine.


Anonymous said...

Well spoken

Anonymous said...

I like...