Dabar [theme]

He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou find refuge: His truth is a shield and buckler
Psalms 91:4

Be it ours,when we cannot see the face of God, to trust under the shadow of His wings. C.H. Spugeon

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Irreconcilable Differences


At a certain point in time the opportunity for reconciliation passes by, and in certain situations may never be again. The obvious is the death of one of the parties. This of course removes the possibility of reconciliation and for the most part would diffuse the entire situation, but that is entirely dependant upon the depth of pain inflicted.

But what of the living; specifically those living in relationship; there seems to be a place in time where the aspect of forgiveness, intrinsically linked to reconciliation becomes a question of the redemption of the time that was lost feeding in the bile of the affliction. It would seem that at a given point in time dependant upon the variables of personal character, temperament, social aptitude, etc. that a person would look at a situation involving their forgiveness of a person for past wrongs and would be unable to forgive because the time left in life would not be adequate for the restoration of the relationship.

It would seem that past wrongs would be met with the mind-set that a renewed relationship would never compensate for the time in relationship lost due to the wrong-doing of one party. Now having said that it would be obvious that there would then be no forgiveness, a wronged party would hold to the convictions of their right to feel wronged and would withhold forgiveness because of the lack of adequate recompense for the time lost. This would be exemplified in those instances of death-bed confessions, those times when people feel the weight of their lives and the history and legacy they are leaving and are unwilling at that time to live any longer with their guilt or shame hanging over them. It would seem almost irrelevant at that time to even bother, for what can be offered, what can be redeemed of the life past, what is there that can be restored, or rescued? It is at this time that the recklessness of life is viewed through eyes opened to eternity, possibly (depending upon belief) to the coming judgement and now in light of that there is to be a change of heart? In this it is seen that even in the magnanimous gesture of forgiveness granted, there may be little of value other than the words which may appease the dying soul, and is that even offered without a tinge of bitterness and a lack of remorse for life ... for death? But what of the heart of that hostage to the irredeemable relationship, the one left holding the pieces of a fragmented relationship, the one who has no hope of ransom?

So why would or is the redemption of the time so critical in life? It becomes a question of the investment in relationship. Time is a non-renewable resource and at various stages in life people come to realize its value and possibly esteem it above all other aspects of life. This becomes apparent in what is commonly referred to as mid-life crises, where we see people affected either adversely or pro-actively in changing the course of their lives to accommodate a frame of mind which has come to realize the brevity of life and wants to impact the world, however large or small that is, with their life. In a lot of instances this mid-life crises becomes an operation of redeeming the time that was lost in the pursuit of avenues of life, which were relevant or necessary at the time, by reconciling that sense of time lost with the sense that life now has meaning. It quite possibly becomes an exercise in creating a history, a legacy, a memory for the immortalizing of life. It quite possibly becomes an exercise of reaffirming lordship of one's life and establishing, if only briefly, a sense of happiness, a pursuit of the material, physical and emotional good fortunes of life.

But what of the residual of the heart, that area that cannot be appeased by the work of the hands or the sweat of the brow or the pursuit of health, wealth and happiness? What of the... What of the time still lost in the irredeemable? What of the irreconcilable differences?

The repentant seeks to excuse their actions, they justify their life's course. The affliction of conscience or impending judgement result in either relief or remorse, to palliate or prevaricate about why and how they lived their life. But, the reality of the repentance is that, there exists no ability to redeem the irredeemable time or restore the unrestorable relationship and with that there must be an addendum (to enable forgiveness) or understanding that that which is lost will never be fully recovered and an acceptance of that fact by all involved.


In my life I live with the irreconcilable, the irredeemable, the incongruous, and this is a result of the things that I have seen and experienced as a part of and as an observer of relationship. It is in this context that I have written the previous paragraphs and further understanding may be had by reading my blog entry http://undertheeagleswing.blogspot.com/2008/01/man-died-this-week.html.
I have seen and experienced things which unless you come from a background like mine you will never fathom or imagine, so as I write about the irreconcilable and irredeemable I am speaking as one who knows the full effect of that thought. It isn't a question of forgiveness because with all the time lost and the fact that time can never be made-up for, forgiveness becomes a redundant and meaningless exercise, in other words it no longer matters, it was then and is now a part of existence. Really there is nothing to forgive because the relationship does not exist. As the years have gone by and attempts were made to establish that which in hind-sight was irreparably destroyed and harmed, it is apparent that, as harsh as this may sound, where there exists no love, where only fear created relationship, where confession and repentance would be wasted on the living, there is no need or requirement for restoration, the time has come and gone. That which was redeemable is lost forever.
Mark 12:2 (NKJV) Now at vintage-time [kairos - a time when conditions are right for the accomplishment of a crucial action; the opportune and decisive moment], he sent a servant to the vinedressers, that he might receive some of the fruit of the vineyard from the vinedressers.

A time when conditions are right for the accomplishment of a crucial action; the opportune and decisive moment, in an unfortunate twist of time or fate the fruit has fallen from and spoiled on the vine. I feel no remorse for its loss, only a sense of wonder of what could or should have been? A question as to why this happened in this way? And a constant feeling, is the purpose of all this wasted on me? Am I getting it? Am I moving on? Am I passing this on?

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