Dabar [theme]

He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou find refuge: His truth is a shield and buckler
Psalms 91:4

Be it ours,when we cannot see the face of God, to trust under the shadow of His wings. C.H. Spugeon

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Who Am I?

"Blessed are You, Lord God of Israel, our father, forever and ever.

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness,

the power and the glory,

the victory (splendour), and the majesty,

for all that is in heaven and in the earth is Yours;

Yours is the Kingdom, O Lord,

and you are exalted as head over all.

Both riches and honour come from You,

and You reign over all.

In Your hand it is to make great

and to give strength to all.

Now therefore, My God,

I thank You

and praise Your glorious name.

But who am I??, and who are my people,

that we should be able to offer so willingly as this?

For all things come from You,

and of Your own we have given You.

The question really is Who am I? it is the question that passes through my mind and spans across the time of my life. It isn't and has not been found in what I do, in job-description, in parenting, in Church ministry, in para-church ministry, those things are just part of daily living, what I must do. It is a mystery. It is the thing I can't put my finger on, and say emphatically, that I am this.

There are things I am not; I am not a Calvinist, I am not an atheist, I am not a saint, I am not perfect, I am not always inspired by the Holy Spirit, I am not a Charismatic, etc. These are the things that could be used to define me, but they fail in expressing who I am.

There is a strong tendency to move at this point in expressing who I am by countering the above mentioned items with the things in my life that I am in relation to my physical existence. I can define aspects of my life, I am an essayist, a church-goer, etc. That is my persona, the way in which I can project to the world, my appearance and character. It isn't who I am.

The question of who I am does not lie with the description, it lies in the journey. It's not about arriving or getting there, its all about the travel. The reason I can't answer the question is that I dwell in the process, I'm living in the 'figuring out', I'm residing in the task.

1 Chronicles 29:15 continues to say, "For we are sojourners (aliens and pilgrims) before You, and tenants, as were all our fathers; our days on earth are as a shadow, and there is no one abiding." There does not exist in life a static or stationary position, there is not existent a settled state, a remaining and abiding posture. The constancy of change through growth, maturity and decay is the indicator of the passing of life. I wait, not as one who puts his feet up and watches the clock for the appointed arrival, but as one who lives in the likeness of the words of Isaiah, "they that wait upon the Lord", waits, gathering and working, waits, being intertwined in the journey, waits, being bound in the active, waits, without passivity, waits, resting in the function, waits, collecting life's mysteries and jewels, waits, living in the expectation of the marvelous that God will do.

Isaiah 40:31,"...but those expecting Jehovah pass to power, they raise up the pinion as eagles, they run and are not fatigued, they go on and do not faint!"

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